A DREAM OF WISE COUNSEL
I see the valleys and valleys filled with bondage;
They converse and confirm – so many empty nods and smiles;
They swim in lethargic waters – rippling in one ongoing, pulsing pattern –
They do not travel, only move.
I reach into the hidden, the dark, the afraid – rage greets me – pain screams,
I know them and do not waver.
Voices echo in pale, sweaty circles with no tone – they blend – they hide in thought,
I reveal them and their cowardice.
They run to softer places and begin their death spirals once again.
I walk among them.
The words we share cause wax to flow unseen from ear to pool;
A bit of awareness comes holding fear’s hand,
“All is being undone! You are not safe! You are not in control! Run!”
So much rests on these moments of expansive trust or shriveling safety.
A shaking step, a fountain of tears, exhaustion, mortification,
A death of the built me –
Walls break, systems crumble – what was alive is alive again but so small, so fragile.
Is this really better than what was? Can I be a slave again?
New power – where does it go? It cannot be contained – I will not be contained
Shall I hurt, shall I please, shall I go a new way and leave all behind?
I break away and find solid ground,
I look back and find I have more than I believed possible.
I feel my presence reflected in others—more gentle, more open, more ready
Do I know more or know now that I know less?
I laugh with my absurd enjoyment in being.
I offer what I have and find it replenished.
I stumble and hear echoes of falls —
I try to armor myself and find my skin is too soft for such ways.
Movements around me come in and come out with life on top of life
A new symphony surrounds but my young ears only catch short bursts
Each sequence is so rich and opens an ache
I long and for a time am held in awe
I seek her still.
I cannot make her music come.
I seek her as one in love.